I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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