So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
