once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
