The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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