Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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