Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize