did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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