He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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