Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
