please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
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11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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