Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
