ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
