I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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