I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
