Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
