you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
