I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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