Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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