this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
