Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
