Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just invented taco cereal.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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