why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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