We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
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Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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