bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
