Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Boobs speak an international language.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
that is very illegal...i love you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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