I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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