Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
