she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
