You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
