I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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