you win again, gameday.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
