I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm passing your future prison.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
