just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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