That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
