At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
