I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
