Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
