I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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