After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All the doctor said was why
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
