So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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