Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
