Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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