PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
