Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
