so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
