you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
