i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
