It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
