A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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