don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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