Don't make out with my wife yet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
love makes seman taste better
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
