She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
