i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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