Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
