dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
