Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think i have two assholes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
