I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just pee around me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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