Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
