I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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