Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
