dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Omg I joined a choir last night...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
