well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
