This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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