that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
