ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
