Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
