i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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