are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
