So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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