Welp...herpes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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