yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
