is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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