Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
there is glitter all over my balls
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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