bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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