Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
