i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
