yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am spending my child support on dildos
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
